About the hook at the beginning of the book

Because I’m starting to write a new book of my own, I’m particularly interested in beginnings at the moment. This week I decided take a closer look at the first paragraphs of ten middle-grade fantasies I’ve read recently. I wanted to check out two things. First, how many of these books had beginnings I consider intriguing? Which would I have continued reading if I wasn’t on a mission to dissect middle-grade fantasies to improve my own writing? Second, I wanted to get a feel for whether or not books live up—or down—to the promise of the first pages. How often did I like books with ho-hum openings? How often did books with clever beginnings feel like a letdown farther on?

What follows this isn’t scientific analysis, just personal opinion. I don’t think even my most analytical scientist-friends would have an easy time figuring out something like this scientifically; there’d be too much variability in what people think of the beginnings of books and what they think about the books overall.

When evaluating the beginnings of these books, I discounted the prologues, if any. Three of the ten books had official prologues; that is, sections labeled “Prologue.” One book, The Lightning Thief, had a sneaky little well-written half page that was actually a prologue but wasn’t labeled as such: a closet prologue, so to speak. I was generous and counted that as the actual beginning of the book, even though it wasn’t fooling me, not even for a minute.

One of the three out-of -the-closet prologues was truly execrable, in my opinion, and seemed to be there only to tie together a funky structure. Here’s the beginning of it, from The Ruins of Gorlan: “Morgarath, Lord of the Mountains of Rain and Night, former Baron of Gorlan in the Kingdom of Araluen, looked out over his bleak, rainswept domain and, for perhaps the thousandth time, cursed.” Seriously? Yikes. The other two prologues were well written, but I discounted them anyway and skipped right to the main dish.

I had an overwhelmingly positive reaction to the openings of six of the ten novels. First paragraphs and first pages of books as varied as Liesel and Po, Saavy, Benjamin Franklinstein Meets the Fright Brothers, A Tale Dark and Grimm, The Lightning Thief, and My Very UnFairy Tale Life all hooked me. They did it by raising questions in my mind, tickling my sense of humor, reeling me in with a great voice, or doing more than one of these at the same time.  In my opinion, only one of these books, My Very UnFairytale Life, failed to fully live up to the promise of its first pages. It wasn’t bad; it just wasn’t as good as the other books with intriguing beginnings. To summarize, if these books are representative, I’d have to say that good first pages usually mean a good book.

But do less-than-stellar first paragraphs or even un-thrilling first pages mean a mediocre book? Maybe not. The openings of four of the ten books elicited a lukewarm or less-than-lukewarm reaction from me, but I read on, and ended up liking three of the four (all but The Ruins of Gorlan). I liked one of them so much I read it twice. That wonderfully funny book, The Wee Free Men, was the only one that had a beginning that would have stopped me cold if I didn’t have another reason for reading the book. Here’s how it opens: “Some things start before other things. It was a summer shower but didn’t appear to know it, and it was pouring rain as fast as a winter storm. Miss Perspicacia Tick sat in what little shelter a raggedy hedge could give her and explored the universe. She didn’t notice the rain. Witches dried out quickly.” My reaction was: Huh? And I only got more confused when I learned that Ms. P wasn’t really a main character. However, this was an utterly fantastic, laugh-out-loud book by a writer who could keyboard circles around the rest of the best. Just goes to show, you never can tell.

So what are my conclusions? As a reader, I learned that good first pages mean odds are better than even that the rest of the book rocks, too. But non-hook openings—especially old-fashioned first chapters that slowly introduce you to a character and his or her surroundings—are not necessarily a sign of yawns to come. So I’ll be keeping the faith and giving writers a chapter or two of grace before putting the book down and switching on NetFlix.

As an unpublished writer, though, I’m afraid the lesson is that only awesome first pages will cut the mustard. I better aim for great voice, intriguing questions, and if possible, a smile or two. Terry Pratchett can afford to give a puzzling first chapter to a secondary character. His thousands of loyal fans will forge on. Most of the rest of—including me—don’t have that luxury.

A book-by-book breakdown of opening pages follows.

Positive reaction – intrigued, definitely keep reading

“On the third night after the day her father died, Liesel saw the ghost.”
–Lauren Oliver, Liesel and Po
My reaction: Whose ghost was it? Her father’s? If not, then whose? What was the encounter like, and what happened next? Keep reading.

“When my brother Fish turned thirteen, we moved to the deepest part of inland because of the hurricane and, of course, the fact that he’d caused it.”
–Ingrid Law, Savvy
My reaction: Wow, a kid started a hurricane? How? Why? Keep reading.

“It was a typical, sunny summer afternoon on Karloff Avenue. A woman was watering plants in her garden. A mailman was making his daily rounds. Two mothers with strollers chatted on the sidewalk. And high above them, balanced precariously on the chimney of the oldest house on the block, Benjamin Franklin was disco dancing while mooing like a cow.”
–Matthew McElligott and Larry Tuxbury, Benjamin Franklinstein Meets the Fright Brothers
My reaction: Oh, fun! Benjamin Franklin disco dancing on a roof in modern times? How? Why? Keep reading.

“Once upon a time, fairy tales were awesome. I know, I know. You don’t believe me. I don’t blame you. A little while ago, I wouldn’t have believed it myself. Little girls in red caps skipping around the forest? Awesome? I don’t think so. But then I started to read them. The real, Grimm ones. Very few little girls in red caps in those. Well, there’s one. But she gets eaten.”
–Adam Gidwitz, A Tale Dark and Grimm)
My reaction: Fantastic voice. Speaker likes violent action, so this isn’t going to be your average fairytale. Keep reading.

“Look, I didn’t want to be a half-blood. If you’re reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life. Being a half-blood is dangerous. It’s scary. Most of the time it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways. If you’re a normal kid, reading this because you think it’s fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe that none of this ever happened.”
–Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief
My reaction: OK, maybe not my thing, but I bet kids would eat this up. I’ll keep reading.

“You know all those stories that claim fairies cry sparkle tears and elves travel by rainbow? They’re lies. All lies. No one tells you the truth until it’s too late. And then all you can do is run like crazy while a herd of unicorns tries to kill you.”
– My Very UnFairy Tale Life, Anna Staniszewski
My reaction: Fun voice, murderous unicorns. Keep reading.

Lukewarm reaction – OK, I’ll keep reading

“I’m going to die of boredom here, Sabrina Grimm thought as she looked out the train window at Ferryport Landing, New York.” Then comes a description of the town, the weather, the kids, and how they’re on a train. Then one of the kids speaks: “Do they have bagels in Ferryport Landing, Ms. Smirt?”
–Michael Buckley, Prologue, The Fairytale Detectives
My reaction: Right, I liked that thing about the bagels. I’ll keep going for a few pages on the strength of that. (Turned out to be a really fun book.)

“Once upon a time, a girl named September grew very tired indeed of her parents’ house, where she washed the same pink-and-yellow teacups and matching gravy boats every day, slept on the same embroidered pillow, and played with the same small and amiable dog. Because she had been born in May, and because she had a mole on her left cheek, and because her feet were very large and ungainly, the Green Wind took pity on her and flew to her window one evening just after her twelfth birthday.”
–Catherynne M. Valente, The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making)
My reaction: Reluctantly lukewarm, verging on less than lukewarm. OK, I’ll bite: What’s the Green Wind? What’s so important about May, the mole, and the feet? What happens to the little girl? I’ll keep reading because I’ve heard this is a good book.

“’Try to eat something, Will. Tomorrow’s a big day, after all.’
Jenny, blonde, pretty and cheerful, gestured towards Will’s barley touched plate and smiled encouragingly at him. Will made an attempt to return the smile but it was a dismal failure. He picked at the plate before him, piled high with his favourite foods. Tonight, his stomach knotted tight with tension and anticipation, he could hardly bring himself to swallow at all.”
–John Flanagan, Ranger’s Apprentice
My reaction: Meh. But this is the first book in one of my son’s favorite series, so I’ll keep going. (I am leaving out the excruciating prologue, which my son admits he also skipped.)

Less than lukewarm – I’ll read this because I trust the author based on previous work or because I’ve heard the book is good

“Some things start before other things. It was a summer shower but didn’t appear to know it, and it was pouring rain as fast as a winter storm. Miss Perpsicacia Tick sat in what little shelter a raggedy hedge could give her and explored the universe. She didn’t notice the rain. Witches dried out quickly.”
–Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men
My reaction: Huh? Keep reading because I read another book by this writer long ago and really liked his sense of humor. Maybe it will get better. (It did.)

Review: The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett

The Wee Free Men (A Story of Discworld), by Terry Pratchett

One week after nine-year-old Tiffany decides to become a witch, a parallel world in which dreams are true latches onto Tiffany’s world, and the queen of the parallel world kidnaps Tiffany’s little brother. Aided by a clan of six-inch-high warriors, Tiffany uses her wits (the real source of a witch’s power) and a little bit of magic to save her brother and her world from the evil queen.

Theme of the book:  “Them as can do has to do for them as can’t. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices.”

Kid-o-meter ratings (1 = lowest or least, 5 = highest or most)

1. This book made me laugh out loud: 5. This is one of the funniest fantasy books I have ever read. You’ll laugh out loud, and you may find yourself smiling at random times of the day whenever you happen to think of the Wee Free Men.

2. This book has good action: 3. Much of the action in this book is comedy-type action, but not all of it. The main character is armed with brains and a frying pan, and she’s not afraid to use either. Her six-inch helpers, the fearsome Wee Free Men of the book’s title, are armed with swords and hard skulls. They fight everything that stands in their way and many things that don’t.

3. This book is suspenseful: 4. This adventure book keeps you guessing about the answers to a number of questions, large and small. They include: Will Tiffany become a witch? Was her grandmother a witch or just a wise woman? What happened to the Baron’s son? Can Tiffany save her brother from the evil queen? Can she save her world from the queen’s world?  What will the Wee Free Men say and do next?

5. The ending does not disappoint: 4. The ending is excellent but lengthy. The whole last third of the book is long, with Tiffany and the Wee Free Men battling their way through an evil forest, at least three dreams, a painting, and a final confrontation in the real world.

6. I cared a lot about what happened to these characters: 4. From Tiffany and the Wee Free Men to Tiffany’s sticky little brother Wentworth, I cared about everyone in the book—even some of the monsters.

Kid’s questions

1. How old is the main character? Nine.

2. Is there a group of friends I can imagine I’m part of? There’s a group of friends, but only one of them is a kid. It’s easy to imagine you’re along for the adventure with Tiffany and the Wee Free Men. It’s not quite the same, though, as imagining you’re part of a group of kids like the ones created by Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson & the Olympians, The Kane Chronicles), John Flanagan (The Ranger’s Apprentice, Brotherband), J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter), or C.S. Lewis (The Chronicles of Narnia). It’s more like being in Frank L. Baum’s world (Oz), on an adventure with Dorothy and her friends.

3. Is this a series or just one book? This book is part of a series. The other books in the series are A Hat Full of Sky, Wintersmith, and I Shall Wear Midnight.

4. Does it get off to a fast start? I am not a patient reader—I like things to start with a bang—and I would say it gets off to a medium start. You need to be patient through the first chapter, which features a witch spying on Tiffany, and the first part of the second chapter, in which Tiffany lies on her stomach beside a stream, thinking. Then the Wee Free Men appear and things get going.

5. Is there at least one nice grownup? Yes, almost all the grownups are nice, although some of them are not all that smart.

6. Does it get mushy? (Is there L-O-V-E?). Nope, no mush. (But parents please see the section on mature themes below—there’s a brief section in here about making babies, seen from the perspective of a matter-of-fact farm kid.)

 Adult’s questions

1. What’s the major source of suspense? This is a comedy-adventure, and much of the suspense derives from wondering what the Wee Free Men, the Keystone Kops of Fairyland, are going to do or say next. OK, so they’re not exactly Keystone Kops, but they are very, very funny.

Your kids will also wonder whether Tiffany will achieve her goal of becoming a witch, whether her grandmother was a witch or just a wise woman, what happened to the Baron’s son, whether Tiffany will save her brother from the evil queen, and whether she’ll save her world from the queen’s world.

There’s also the larger question of whether and how Tiffany will come to terms with the death of her beloved grandmother, an event that occurred before the beginning of the book. This question runs subtly throughout the entire novel and is beautifully resolved in the end.

2. Which classic fantasy elements does the book contain? Parallel worlds, fairies of all kinds, witches with and without pointy hats, witches’ familiars (a talking toad), warlocks (mentioned in passing), monsters, an evil queen, and magic.

3. What’s the book’s take on tolerance and empathy? These were not major themes in the book. The book has other important themes, though. (Please the section below on “Any other important themes or issues crop up that you might want to discuss with your child?”).

4. Is there profanity? There’s lots of profanity, all of it made up. If “Crivens!” counts as swearing, the Wee Free Men swear a blue streak (“Crivens, I’m as quiet as a wee moose!”).

5. Is there violence?  A lot. The violence involving the Wee Free Men is cartoonish; I didn’t think it was disturbing. There are, however, at least two events in the book I did find disturbing. First, Tiffany relates the story of how the locals killed an old woman they suspected of being a witch. The villagers also killed the old woman’s cat. The old woman was not a witch at all, and the cat was just a cat. This is what I think of as realistic violence—it could happen, and I’m sure it has—and I find it much more disturbing than the antics of the Wee Free Men.

The second scene I found heavy was the one in which several Wee Free Men are seen to be dead after a battle, although none we know by name. The blow is softened somewhat when the reader learns the Wee Free Men consider death to be a passport back into the world from which they came, and, although that world was not as nice as Discworld (the “real” world of the story), they are not bothered by the thought of going back.

Both these scenes of violence come in the first third of the book and serve to raise the stakes and the level of suspense throughout the rest of the book. Because of the death of the old woman and her cat, the reader realizes that Tiffany’s choice of occupation is a dangerous one, not to be made lightly, and that she will have to use her wits to stay alive. Because of the second, the reader realizes that the writer isn’t above killing off Wee Free Men, so you can’t be entirely sure all your favorites will survive to the end.

6. How about mature themes?
a. Deaths and coping with death. Mature themes include the death of the woman suspected of being a witch, her cat, and the anonymous Wee Free Men described above. And as noted above, one of the major threads that runs through the book is Tiffany coping with the death of her beloved grandmother, an event that took place before the book opens.

b. Making babies. There’s a scene in which the matriarch and leader of the Wee Free Men dies, making Tiffany swear to be her temporary successor. Minutes after, Tiffany discovers one of her duties as leader is to marry a Wee Free Man and have lots of babies. Neither Tiffany nor the Wee Free Men are happy about this. Tiffany quickly finds a way out of the conundrum, but not before the reader finds out Tiffany knows how babies are made: she’s been raised on a farm and has observed sheep mating. The description of mating sheep isn’t overly explicit, and I would certainly have let my son read this book as early as he was able—in his case, about the age of ten—but no two parents are the same, and people have different ideas about what’s appropriate for their kids to read at any given age.

c. Fightin’, stealin’, and drinkin’. The Wee Free Men are rowdy, six-inch drinkers covered with blue tattoos. They would steal the humps off a camel if they could. Here they are, introducing themselves to Tiffany:
“We are a famously stealin’ folk. Aren’t we, lads? What’s it we’re famous for?”
“Stealin’!” shouted the blue men.
“And what else, lads?”
“Fightin’!”
“And what else?”
“Drinkin’!”
“And what else?” There was a certain amount of thought about this, but they all reached the same conclusion.
“Drinkin’ and fightin’!”

I found them utterly charming and laugh-out-loud funny but realize there are some parents who might be put off by the idea of a book in which the lovable main characters are thieving, rowdy, kilt-wearing, sword-wielding drinkers with blue tattoos and poor personal hygiene. It’s possible the Wee Free Men will influence your kids, but I wouldn’t be so sure. In my experience the stuff that influences my son is almost never what I expect. Like the mushrooms in the hit-the-mushroom games at Chuck-E-Cheese, influences pop up from the most unforeseen places and leave me reeling with surprise. Go figure.

In a clever twist at the end of the book, Tiffany’s little brother Wentworth is influenced by his late-book encounter with the Wee Free Men: “Wentworth had taken to running through the house with a tablecloth around his waist shouting, ‘Weewee mens! I’ll scone you in the boot!’ but Mrs. Aching was still so glad to see him back, and so happy that he was talking about things other than sweets,  that she wasn’t paying too much attention to what he was talking about.”

7. What about dark creatures? There are plenty of dark creatures in the parallel world, and some of them slip into the real world and attack. Tiffany and the Wee Free men fight the headless horseman and grimhounds. They face down beings called dromes that manipulate people’s dreams, various kinds of stinging fairies, an army of nameless monsters from nightmares, and the evil queen herself—and those are just the ones I remember off the top of my head. There may be more.

8. What’s the take on religion and/or God in the book?
a. Heaven. The characters discuss their beliefs about heaven at least once; the Wee Free Men think Discworld (the world in which the book is set) is heaven.

b. Churchgoing. There is a section in which the writer says the locals, most of whom are shepherds, don’t frequently attend church but rather spend their lives taking care of their sheep. They bury their dead with little tufts of wool so God will realize they were busy shepherds and hopefully cut them some slack.

c. Witches. The witches in Discworld are good guys (see the section on civic duty and moral courage below). They tend to use their heads and refrain from magic whenever possible, but they do occasionally use magic. This didn’t bother me at all, but everyone is different, and some people I know are particularly opposed to any positive portrayal of witches, no matter to what end. You will need to decide for yourself what you think about this aspect of Wee Free Men. Personally I think it would be a shame to miss such a good book because one dislikes the idea of a positive portrayal of witchcraft. A compromise would be to read the book with your child and discuss the issue together.

9. What about politics and government? The writer has what is to my mind a pleasantly beady-eyed view of the local baron and his rule. He presents the baron as neither entirely evil nor entirely good, and as much easier to live with after Tiffany’s grandmother puts him in his place. Nevertheless, the baron has countenanced some terrible things before the book opens, including the killing of an old lady suspected to be a witch, and the world needs someone to hold his power in check. What’s more, the baron remains believably none-too-smart right to the end of the book. The various scenes describing what Tiffany’s grandmother did to keep the Baron’s power in check and Tiffany’s takeover of her grandmother’s role are well worth discussing with your children.

10. Any gender issues whack you in the eye? Oh, yes, but in the best possible way. Tiffany is intelligent, logical, independent, and courageous. The writer acknowledges gender inequality in his world in several places. For instance, near the beginning, he writes that “Unlike wizards, witches learn to make due with a little.” There’s a hint near the end that witches and wizards don’t live in absolute harmony with each other, when a witch says to Tiffany, “It [magic] don’t take much intelligence, otherwise wizards wouldn’t be able to do it.”

Last but far from least, there’s a lovely plot thread in which Tiffany encounters the baron’s useless son, the baron glorifies his son’s role in Tiffany’s adventures, and Tiffany reacts in a way that’s perfect fodder for a conversation with your middle-grade reader—no matter how you feel about traditional gender roles or where your opinions fall on the political map.

11. Any other important themes or issues crop up that you might want to discuss with your child? In addition to the many issues discussed above, the topic of civic duty and moral courage comes up. Tiffany has character, by which I mean she has moral courage and a deep sense civic duty. The theme here is embodied in a quote from Tiffany’s grandmother, which guides the grandmother’s, Tiffany’s, and the witches’ actions:  “Them as can do has to do for them as can’t. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices.” Thus Tiffany sets out to save her little brother even though she doesn’t love him in the classic definition of the word. She protects her people and her country because they’re hers, not because they deserve it—and she lets somebody else have the credit.

At the end of the book, one of the witches tells her that’s the role of witches in Discworld: “We look to . . . the edges . . . . There’s a lot of edges, more than people know. Between life and death, this world and the next, night and day, right and wrong . . . an’ they need watchin’. We watch ‘em, we guard the sum of things. And we never ask for any reward.”

12. Is this book especially challenging to read, and if so, why? Yes, because the Wee Free Men speak a dialect I assume is based on Scottish but with scads of apparently made-up words. The dialect is one of the high points of the book, but you need to be pretty good with the phonics (phonetics?) to read it.

My son has dyslexia, and he’s not able to look at combinations of letters on the page and hear how they sound in his head. We’ve solved this problem of how to read books like this by using his Kindle’s read-out-loud function. He looks at the words on the page while listening to the Kindle’s machine voice read.

13. How’s the writing? What’s the author’s major strength and weakness? This is the most talented writer I have reviewed so far; he’s quite simply superb. I try to write—I’ve finished two books so far, one terrible and one OK—and let me tell you, this guy leaves me just about as far back in his dust as a person can get, and he’s not even breathing hard.

Terry Pratchett’s writing is at the front of the pack in every way I can judge: ear for language and dialogue, deft handling of a multi-layered plot, laugh-out-loud humor, irony, depth of characterization, hard work (where most writers would stop, he takes another step, gives it more thought, and polishes it so it shines), and sheer imagination. This is Master Yoda, and I’m in awe. Maybe after I’ve written a dozen more books I’ll be able to spot an Achilles heel, but not at my present level of ability and craftsmanship.

I would in fact recommend this book highly to adults. Your kids will enjoy it, but they will not get all the jokes or see all the themes. This is a rich book by a highly experienced, startlingly clever, hard-working, imaginative author, and there’s more here than meets the eye in a first or even a second reading. I’ll be reading it a third time soon to examine how the writer wove together his many plot threads, because it’s a tour de force, and he makes it look easy.

14. Might some people be upset by the spelling or grammar? Perhaps. I have a friend who is not a native speaker of English and who just became an American. She wants her kids to see proper spelling and good examples of grammar in books, and she gets irritated when books contain purposeful errors.

Many of the characters in this book use contractions and make grammatical mistakes, and the Wee Free Men speak a made-up dialect. I find this kind of dialogue a strength of the book, but some readers may not.