About the hook at the beginning of the book

Because I’m starting to write a new book of my own, I’m particularly interested in beginnings at the moment. This week I decided take a closer look at the first paragraphs of ten middle-grade fantasies I’ve read recently. I wanted to check out two things. First, how many of these books had beginnings I consider intriguing? Which would I have continued reading if I wasn’t on a mission to dissect middle-grade fantasies to improve my own writing? Second, I wanted to get a feel for whether or not books live up—or down—to the promise of the first pages. How often did I like books with ho-hum openings? How often did books with clever beginnings feel like a letdown farther on?

What follows this isn’t scientific analysis, just personal opinion. I don’t think even my most analytical scientist-friends would have an easy time figuring out something like this scientifically; there’d be too much variability in what people think of the beginnings of books and what they think about the books overall.

When evaluating the beginnings of these books, I discounted the prologues, if any. Three of the ten books had official prologues; that is, sections labeled “Prologue.” One book, The Lightning Thief, had a sneaky little well-written half page that was actually a prologue but wasn’t labeled as such: a closet prologue, so to speak. I was generous and counted that as the actual beginning of the book, even though it wasn’t fooling me, not even for a minute.

One of the three out-of -the-closet prologues was truly execrable, in my opinion, and seemed to be there only to tie together a funky structure. Here’s the beginning of it, from The Ruins of Gorlan: “Morgarath, Lord of the Mountains of Rain and Night, former Baron of Gorlan in the Kingdom of Araluen, looked out over his bleak, rainswept domain and, for perhaps the thousandth time, cursed.” Seriously? Yikes. The other two prologues were well written, but I discounted them anyway and skipped right to the main dish.

I had an overwhelmingly positive reaction to the openings of six of the ten novels. First paragraphs and first pages of books as varied as Liesel and Po, Saavy, Benjamin Franklinstein Meets the Fright Brothers, A Tale Dark and Grimm, The Lightning Thief, and My Very UnFairy Tale Life all hooked me. They did it by raising questions in my mind, tickling my sense of humor, reeling me in with a great voice, or doing more than one of these at the same time.  In my opinion, only one of these books, My Very UnFairytale Life, failed to fully live up to the promise of its first pages. It wasn’t bad; it just wasn’t as good as the other books with intriguing beginnings. To summarize, if these books are representative, I’d have to say that good first pages usually mean a good book.

But do less-than-stellar first paragraphs or even un-thrilling first pages mean a mediocre book? Maybe not. The openings of four of the ten books elicited a lukewarm or less-than-lukewarm reaction from me, but I read on, and ended up liking three of the four (all but The Ruins of Gorlan). I liked one of them so much I read it twice. That wonderfully funny book, The Wee Free Men, was the only one that had a beginning that would have stopped me cold if I didn’t have another reason for reading the book. Here’s how it opens: “Some things start before other things. It was a summer shower but didn’t appear to know it, and it was pouring rain as fast as a winter storm. Miss Perspicacia Tick sat in what little shelter a raggedy hedge could give her and explored the universe. She didn’t notice the rain. Witches dried out quickly.” My reaction was: Huh? And I only got more confused when I learned that Ms. P wasn’t really a main character. However, this was an utterly fantastic, laugh-out-loud book by a writer who could keyboard circles around the rest of the best. Just goes to show, you never can tell.

So what are my conclusions? As a reader, I learned that good first pages mean odds are better than even that the rest of the book rocks, too. But non-hook openings—especially old-fashioned first chapters that slowly introduce you to a character and his or her surroundings—are not necessarily a sign of yawns to come. So I’ll be keeping the faith and giving writers a chapter or two of grace before putting the book down and switching on NetFlix.

As an unpublished writer, though, I’m afraid the lesson is that only awesome first pages will cut the mustard. I better aim for great voice, intriguing questions, and if possible, a smile or two. Terry Pratchett can afford to give a puzzling first chapter to a secondary character. His thousands of loyal fans will forge on. Most of the rest of—including me—don’t have that luxury.

A book-by-book breakdown of opening pages follows.

Positive reaction – intrigued, definitely keep reading

“On the third night after the day her father died, Liesel saw the ghost.”
–Lauren Oliver, Liesel and Po
My reaction: Whose ghost was it? Her father’s? If not, then whose? What was the encounter like, and what happened next? Keep reading.

“When my brother Fish turned thirteen, we moved to the deepest part of inland because of the hurricane and, of course, the fact that he’d caused it.”
–Ingrid Law, Savvy
My reaction: Wow, a kid started a hurricane? How? Why? Keep reading.

“It was a typical, sunny summer afternoon on Karloff Avenue. A woman was watering plants in her garden. A mailman was making his daily rounds. Two mothers with strollers chatted on the sidewalk. And high above them, balanced precariously on the chimney of the oldest house on the block, Benjamin Franklin was disco dancing while mooing like a cow.”
–Matthew McElligott and Larry Tuxbury, Benjamin Franklinstein Meets the Fright Brothers
My reaction: Oh, fun! Benjamin Franklin disco dancing on a roof in modern times? How? Why? Keep reading.

“Once upon a time, fairy tales were awesome. I know, I know. You don’t believe me. I don’t blame you. A little while ago, I wouldn’t have believed it myself. Little girls in red caps skipping around the forest? Awesome? I don’t think so. But then I started to read them. The real, Grimm ones. Very few little girls in red caps in those. Well, there’s one. But she gets eaten.”
–Adam Gidwitz, A Tale Dark and Grimm)
My reaction: Fantastic voice. Speaker likes violent action, so this isn’t going to be your average fairytale. Keep reading.

“Look, I didn’t want to be a half-blood. If you’re reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life. Being a half-blood is dangerous. It’s scary. Most of the time it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways. If you’re a normal kid, reading this because you think it’s fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe that none of this ever happened.”
–Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief
My reaction: OK, maybe not my thing, but I bet kids would eat this up. I’ll keep reading.

“You know all those stories that claim fairies cry sparkle tears and elves travel by rainbow? They’re lies. All lies. No one tells you the truth until it’s too late. And then all you can do is run like crazy while a herd of unicorns tries to kill you.”
– My Very UnFairy Tale Life, Anna Staniszewski
My reaction: Fun voice, murderous unicorns. Keep reading.

Lukewarm reaction – OK, I’ll keep reading

“I’m going to die of boredom here, Sabrina Grimm thought as she looked out the train window at Ferryport Landing, New York.” Then comes a description of the town, the weather, the kids, and how they’re on a train. Then one of the kids speaks: “Do they have bagels in Ferryport Landing, Ms. Smirt?”
–Michael Buckley, Prologue, The Fairytale Detectives
My reaction: Right, I liked that thing about the bagels. I’ll keep going for a few pages on the strength of that. (Turned out to be a really fun book.)

“Once upon a time, a girl named September grew very tired indeed of her parents’ house, where she washed the same pink-and-yellow teacups and matching gravy boats every day, slept on the same embroidered pillow, and played with the same small and amiable dog. Because she had been born in May, and because she had a mole on her left cheek, and because her feet were very large and ungainly, the Green Wind took pity on her and flew to her window one evening just after her twelfth birthday.”
–Catherynne M. Valente, The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making)
My reaction: Reluctantly lukewarm, verging on less than lukewarm. OK, I’ll bite: What’s the Green Wind? What’s so important about May, the mole, and the feet? What happens to the little girl? I’ll keep reading because I’ve heard this is a good book.

“’Try to eat something, Will. Tomorrow’s a big day, after all.’
Jenny, blonde, pretty and cheerful, gestured towards Will’s barley touched plate and smiled encouragingly at him. Will made an attempt to return the smile but it was a dismal failure. He picked at the plate before him, piled high with his favourite foods. Tonight, his stomach knotted tight with tension and anticipation, he could hardly bring himself to swallow at all.”
–John Flanagan, Ranger’s Apprentice
My reaction: Meh. But this is the first book in one of my son’s favorite series, so I’ll keep going. (I am leaving out the excruciating prologue, which my son admits he also skipped.)

Less than lukewarm – I’ll read this because I trust the author based on previous work or because I’ve heard the book is good

“Some things start before other things. It was a summer shower but didn’t appear to know it, and it was pouring rain as fast as a winter storm. Miss Perpsicacia Tick sat in what little shelter a raggedy hedge could give her and explored the universe. She didn’t notice the rain. Witches dried out quickly.”
–Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men
My reaction: Huh? Keep reading because I read another book by this writer long ago and really liked his sense of humor. Maybe it will get better. (It did.)

Review: The Ruins of Gorlan by John Flanagan

The Ruins of Gorlan (Ranger’s Apprentice, Book 1), by John Flanagan

Fifteen-year-old Will, who has always wanted to become a knight, is refused admittance to battle school but accepted as apprentice to the heroic Ranger, Halt. When danger threatens the Kingdom of Arluan, Halt and Will ride to the rescue, and Will gets the chance to prove his mettle and learn what he wants to do with his life.

Kid-o-meter ratings (1 = lowest or least, 5 = highest or most)

  1. This book made me laugh out loud: 2. There is a comic secretary at the beginning and there are a few scenes with the pony Tug that might make you smile, so I’ll give it a 2.
  2. This book has good action: 4. It takes a while to develop, but if you like bows, arrows, and swords, this is a book for you.
  3. This book is suspenseful: 3. The suspense grows toward the end of the book, but there’s enough suspense in the beginning to keep you going.
  4. The ending does not disappoint: 5. I don’t want to give anything away, so I’ll just say that this book is old-school. If you liked the award-ceremony end of the very first Star Wars movie (the one from 1977), you’ll like the way this book ends.
  5. I cared a lot about what happened to these characters: 4. You will care about these characters. The only reason I didn’t give the book a 5 on this scale is that I set my favorite, Huckleberry Finn, as the level-5 standard, which means it’s almost impossible to get a 5.

Kid questions

  1. How old is the main character? Fifteen.
  2. Is there a group of friends I can imagine I’m part of?Yes. Will is one of six orphans—three boys and two girls—who have grown up together in a castle as wards of a man called Baron Arald. You meet and get to know all six teenagers at the beginning of the book but spend most of the book with the main character, Will, and his teacher, Halt the Ranger. You also spend some time with Will’s friend Horace, who is going to battle school to become a knight.The girls pop up now and then. For instance, one of them bakes some pies for the friends to share. But the focus is on the boys and their teachers (all men). The bad guy is a man, too.
  3. Is this a series or just one book? Ranger’s Apprentice is the first book in a series.
  4. Does it get off to a fast start?No. The book begins with a four-page prologue that introduces you to the main bad guy, Morgarath, and his evil servants, the Wargals and the Kalkara. After the prologue, you spend several chapters getting to know Will, his four friends, and the adults in the book. This may sound boring, but I don’t think you’ll find it boring when you read it. Getting to know the characters well makes the action and battles in the rest of the book extra suspenseful. I wish more publishers would take a chance on books with slower, old-fashioned beginnings like this, because the better you know the characters, the more you care what happens to them later.
  5. Is there at least one nice grownup? Yes. Except for the evil Morgarath, all the grownups in this book are nice. I counted at least five kindly grownups.
  6. Does it get mushy? Is there L-O-V-E? Well, in the interest of truth, I have to admit there’s one quick kiss, but it’s not a mushy one, and it’s over fast.

Adults’ questions

1. What’ the major source of suspense? There are several source of suspense in this book. All of them provide rich material to discuss with your child:

  • Who is Will’s father and how did Will’s father die?
  • Does Will get to go to battle school or must he become a farmer? (Please see “Any other important themes or issues crop up that you might want to discuss with your child?” below.)
  • How will the terrible bullying Horace experiences be resolved?
  • Can Will, Halt, and their allies stop the Kalkara before a main character dies?
  • In the next books, will the girls do more than bake pies like Jenny, kiss the main character like Alyss, and die in childbirth like Will’s mom?

2. Which classic fantasy elements does the book contain? The names! Morgarath, Wargals, the Mountains of Rain and Night, Baron Arald, Castle Redmont, the Kingdom of Arluan . . . need I say more? The book is set in a slightly fantastic version of the British Isles during a Camelot-ish era. There is an evil overlord in a castle in the mountains whose ambition is to take over the kingdom. This bad guy has enslaved monstrous, non-human creatures to do his bidding.

3. What is the book’s take on tolerance and empathy? The events in the book bring up the issue of whether we should have empathy for bullies.

Three older boys from the battle school get together and beat up Horace on a regular basis. The writer does a good job of showing how Horace reacts by bullying others. As a reader, you feel sympathy for Horace, even when he’s acting like a bully, but not for the kids who bully him. This may be because you never find out why they act like bullies. Hints in the book make it seem like they are just bad eggs. (One of them is described as a cornered rat.) This is something you could discuss with your child: is bullying the only thing that turns people into bullies? If not, what else might do it?

The adults in the battle school have vague suspicions that something’s not right, but don’t catch on to what’s happening. The writer tells us that if they knew about it, they wouldn’t tolerate it.

When an adult, Halt the Ranger, finally discovers what’s happening, he encourages Horace to give the bullies a licking in turn, but one-on-one so it’s “fair.” In what is probably a wish-fulfillment scene for many kids who have been bullied or witnessed bullying, the Ranger keeps the bullies from running away while Horace beats up each one in turn.

I think this is something really interesting to talk about with your children. What do you and your children think about giving bullies a taste of their own medicine? Maybe you think it’s an excellent idea—the only thing that works? Or maybe you think it’s counterproductive?

The battle school leaders then kick the sixteen-year-old bullies out of school, the castle, and the nearby area with a little bit of money and supplies that will last them a week. Counterproductive tactical error? Missed opportunity to help the bullies change their behavior? Good and just solution? What do you think?

I am eager to learn how the writer deals with the ostracized bullies in later books in the series. Do we meet them again? Have they been taught a lesson and gone home, duly chastened, to spend the rest of their lives as law-abiding citizens? Have they been angered and driven underground or into the fold of the evil Morgarath? Do they return as bad guys, festering with a sense of having been done an injustice? Do they come back with a worse case of whatever caused them to be bullies in the first place?

In a later scene, the writer explains that revenge is a bad thing: “To a twisted mind like Morgarath’s, revenge is a powerful motive,” says Halt. I was surprised, and wondered what the author thought the difference was between what Horace did, encouraged by Halt, and revenge. In other words, what’s the difference between punishment/justice of the kind meted out on the bullies and revenge? Is it a matter of degree? Is it justice when you beat up your foes but revenge when you kill them? Or is it OK to use force when you’re in the right (a victim) but not when you’re in the wrong (a perpetrator)? If it’s the latter, how are people supposed to be sure when they’re in the right and when they’re in the wrong? Does Morgarath think he’s a bad guy or does he consider he actions justified? Did the bullies know they were doing wrong or did they think Horace deserved what he got? These are definitely things you could discuss with your kids.

4. Is there profanity? Not that I recall.

5. Is there violence? Yes. There is a boar hunt and a battle against monsters. There is bullying and either justice or revenge (depending upon how you look at it). The apprentices are taught to use the bow and arrow, knives, and swords. Lances are also used.

6. How about mature themes and dark creatures? There is the theme of bullying, discussed above. Although there are monsters, there are no magical monsters. It seems that the monsters in the story are native to the world of the book. They do their evil not by magic, it seems, but by hypnotism and craftiness. During the book, the characters learn Morgarath is trying to hire Scandian (i.e., Viking-like) mercenaries to aid his cause.

7. What’s the take on religion and/or God in the book? There is no religion in the book; religion and spirituality are not mentioned. I’m told religion appears in later volumes in the series.

8. What about politics and government? All the grown-up authority figures in this book are good, kind, decent, reasonably intelligent, well-meaning people. I was pleased to find a book in which authority figures in children’s lives are not openly or secretly evil, but was surprised to find the book gave a middle-grader I know an extremely positive view of monarchy.

This middle-grader decided that a benevolent monarchy (he did not know it was called this, and kept using the word “dictatorship”) would be the best form of government if only the king were good and people followed rules. It took some discussion to figure out what this child meant by “dictatorship.” Finally he explained, using the Ranger’s Apprentice world as the example.  We had a nice discussion about democracy, and you may need to have a discussion with your child, too. Are there nice kings? Benevolent dictators? Does power inevitably corrupt? Are citizens in highly stratified class societies happy with their lot?

9. Any gender issues whack you in the eye? Yes. There are two fifteen-year-old girls and one woman in the book. They play minor, supporting roles. The adult woman, a diplomat, chooses one of the teenage girls as her apprentice. We are told that girls tend to be better than boys at that diplomacy stuff.

One of the two teenage girls bakes pies. The other gives the main character a kiss and later looks on proudly as he wins an award. If I had a daughter (I only have a son), I’d want her to support her friends and the one she loves, including with pies and kisses if she so desired. But I’d also want her to have many possible roles to pick from. This book won’t show your boys or your girls many possible gender roles. You get one picture here, and it’s traditional, though I bet the author would be irritated by this statement. After all, he put in a woman and girl diplomat, didn’t he? And isn’t diplomat a respectable occupation, and work outside the home, to boot?

Yes, except it’s portrayed as a good way for women to take their natural skills for soothing, comforting, mediating, and managing interpersonal conflicts (“No fair, Mommy! He got the big piece!”) into the public area.

There are no minorities in this book and no gay people.

Perhaps you will find the gender roles in the book disturbing, but maybe you’ll find them comforting. Anyway now you know what to expect, and this may be another aspect of the book you want to discuss with your middle-grade reader.

10. Any other important themes or issues crop up that you might want to discuss with your child?

a. Farming. Farming is portrayed as boring occupation of last choice in this book—as neither as exciting nor rewarding as being a knight or a ranger. The author writes that becoming a farmer was “a fate he [Will] feared more than anything.” This bothered me, but you might see it as simply this character’s view of farming rather than as a condemnation of farming as a whole. You might also take the pragmatic view that the author had little choice but to portray farming as boring, because in a storybook-adventure world, you have to leave the farm to have adventures. I don’t know. I suspect there are adventures to be had on farms and in the farming life, and think E.B. White would agree.

So here’s another question you might like to discuss with your kids: Is farming boring? My answer is “Ixnay! Farming rocks! Go farmers, unsung heroes of the world!” Farming is not boring, and farmers are just as cool as knights in shining armor. I am now inspired to write a book or at least a story to prove it.

b. Stratification of society. In this book, society is divided into classes and into clear occupational categories. People do not often have the chance (as it says in Chapter 1) to “improve their station in life.” Will is an exception, as he’s an orphan who was raised by a Baron and thus has the chance to win a place as an apprentice rather than automatically become whatever his parents were.

Throughout the book, this highly stratified society is portrayed as working well and harmoniously. Everyone seems to be content in their given role, and I realize that this has enormous appeal to people who like structure and order and value tradition. Even the arch-bad guy doesn’t break the mold. He’s not a discontented farmer, denied entry to Battleschool because of his class, but a twisted former ruler from the southern part of the island.

[SPOILER ALERT – don’t read the next paragraph if you don’t want to know how the book ends.]

At the end of the book, I was pleased to see the writer make an effort to introduce some shading into the otherwise soundly positive portrayal of this highly stratified society. Halt the Ranger finally tells Will that his (Will’s) father was a sergeant who came from a farm, drafted into the army as the result of a war. At first Will is disappointed that his father wasn’t a knight, but then Ranger Halt says, “Don’t judge a man’s quality by his position in life, Will. Your father, Daniel, was a loyal and brave soldier. He didn’t have the opportunity to go to Battleschool because he began life as a farmer. But, if he had, he would have been the greatest of knights.”

This raises a question you might be able to discuss with your children; namely, what happens in a stratified society when you don’t fit the role you’re born into?

11. Is this book especially challenging to read? Nope. Clear and straightforward reading.

12. How’s the writing? What are writer’s major strengths and weaknesses? The writer’s strength lies in his ability to describe how you train to use certain kinds of weapons and in his portrayal of the development of friendships and respectful, decent relationships between young people and the authority figures in their lives. He also excels at building a highly structured world run by traditional values and inhabited by people who, once they have found their path, are content with their lives. (The exceptions are the bullies who torment Horace, and they get a traditional comeuppance.) This world will be comfortable, reassuring, and deeply comforting to many readers. It may worry others.

As to weaknesses . . . the writer is not a crafter of lyrical prose, not a composer of creative similes and metaphors. I know a number of writers and editors who would take exception to the adverb-filled dialog tags he favors. For example, “Jenny replied breathlessly,”  “he shrugged resignedly,” and “she told him earnestly” appear on the same page. However, I suspect this is another way in which the book is traditional. The dialog tags will not put off your average 12-year-old. I loved Nancy Drew despite them.

13. Might some people be upset by the spelling or grammar? No, they’re just fine. Anti-adverb writers will probably take issue with all the adverbs in the book, but the spelling and grammar are standard.